Tag: time

  • The Hour I Stopped Pretending.

    The Hour I Stopped Pretending.

    Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?

    Today’s prompt asks what hobbies or activities I’ve lost interest in over time.

    The Hour I Stopped Pretending.

    The answer came to me immediately:

    Happy hour.

    Though somewhere along the way, I started calling it Unhappy Hour — not out of bitterness, just accuracy.

    There was a time when I enjoyed it. Or at least, I enjoyed the idea of it. The promise of connection. The belief that if you gathered enough people in one place long enough, something meaningful might eventually happen.

    And sometimes it did.

    ——————————————————

    But over the years, my relationship with time changed.

    Part of that is practical. I don’t drink anymore, which turns social rituals into something easier to observe than participate in. Without the soft blur of alcohol, you start to notice patterns — conversations looping back on themselves, laughter arriving a half-second too late, people searching for the next safe thing to say.

    It begins to feel less like connection and more like choreography.

    Nobody’s doing anything wrong. In fact, everyone is usually trying their best. But there’s a quiet performance happening — an agreement to stay on the surface where things feel manageable.

    And maybe that’s where I drifted away.

    Because what I realized is that I haven’t lost interest in people.

    I’ve lost interest in pretending.

    Time stops feeling infinite at some point. You begin to understand that every hour carries weight, whether you acknowledge it or not. And once that shift happens, the idea of spending it in conversations that never leave the shallow end starts to feel… expensive.

    These days, I find myself wanting fewer interactions, but deeper ones.

    Conversations where nobody is trying to win.

    Where silence is allowed to breathe.

    Where you can say something real without watching it bounce awkwardly off polite smiles.

    Maybe that makes me less social by traditional standards.

    Or maybe it just means I’ve become more honest about what connection actually feels like.

    I still believe in gathering. I still believe in laughter. I still believe in the magic that happens when the right people sit down together and forget to check the time.

    But I no longer believe proximity alone creates meaning.

    So yes — happy hour is probably the activity I’ve lost interest in.

    Not because I’ve lost my sense of humor.

    Not because I dislike people.

    But because I’ve learned that time is the one thing that never comes back once you’ve spent it.

    And if I’m going to give mine away, I want to know it mattered.

    These days, I don’t avoid happy hour because I’ve become less social.

    I avoid it because I finally learned the difference between passing time and living inside it.

  • Father of Madness

    “They say time heals all wounds.”

    Who in the fuck are they?

    Some bureaucrats of grief, clocking in, clocking out, wielding the second hand like a scalpel, deciding when the wound has been stitched,

    when the blood should dry,

    when the rage should settle into something softer.

    Time—the prison, the con artist, the liar.

    It doesn’t heal. It magnifies.

    It twists the knife while whispering lullabies.

    It counts the days like a debt collector, reminding me of every second Jack no longer breathes, and every hour the bastard who gave him poison does.

    And still, they tell me time is the answer.

    That I should let it pass, let it work.

    I want to take that very hand of time,

    the well-intended, patronizing hand,

    and smash it for 19 straight minutes

    with a dead blow hammer,

    until the gears stop turning,

    until the numbers scatter like broken teeth,

    until time itself finally understands

    what it means to be overwhelmingly crushed. 

    Miranda, devil in a hoodie, dealer for pocket change was never a scapegoat.

    He was a man who knew exactly what he handed over.

    I wonder if he ever wakes up sweating,

    if he ever feels the shadow behind him,

    if he ever senses the weight of me

    staring at the back of his skull.

    Sixty ways in a minute,

    three hundred sixty in an hour,

    eight thousand six hundred forty in a day—

    I could carve my grief into his flesh.

    I could become time,

    the father of madness,

    breaking him down into seconds,

    watching him beg for a mercy

    that he never gave to Jack.

    But there is no justice.

    Only the slow, excruciating unraveling of the world going around the sun, 

    where killers breathe and sons are buried.

    There is no closure, no grand moment of reckoning.

    There is only the hell of waking up each day,

    wishing for ghosts,

    praying for gruesome vengeance,

    and knowing—the only end is mine.