Jamiemccarthytv

Tag: writing

  • My 5 and your 5.

    Somewhere uncomfortable

    I’m always five minutes late. Doesn’t matter if it’s therapy, a meeting, or a funeral—hell, I know for a fact i’ll be late to my own, if I even show up at all.

    I’ve been seeing this shrink for a while now. Good guy. Listens well, scribbles occasionally, throws a “hmm” out like he’s adding salt to a shitty dish his wife whipped up. So, one day, after the usual “you’re late again” look, he finally asks me, “James, why are you always five minutes late? No matter what time we set, it’s always the same.”

    I shrug, staring at his overly polished desk, and say, “Well, Doc, best as I can figure, my five minutes and your five minutes just aren’t the same.”

    He raises an eyebrow like I’m onto something. Like I’ve finally cracked the code to the universe of perpetual tardiness. So, I keep going.

    “See, your five minutes, it’s precise. Probably feels like 300 seconds ticking away, one, two, three. But mine? Mine could be five seconds, or five hours. I don’t feel the difference.”

    I could tell he wanted to laugh but was trying hard to remain the professional. He adjusts his glasses, the kind of move therapists do when they’re buying time to decide if they should diagnose you or just let it slide.

    “Maybe it’s because you taught me to live in the moment, Doc. You ever think about that? Maybe I’m just so focused on the now that time… bends. It warps around me like some kind of slow-motion bullet in a movie. Except, instead of dodging it, I’m just late.”

  • Ghosts in a cheap room

    Ghosts in a cheap room


    my old man was tough but I wouldn’t call him a bastard,
    rough hands, stentorian voice,
    but it was those eyes, they were odd in a beautiful yet chilling way , the way he’d stare right
    through me, like he already knew the end.
    he checked out early, left me holding the bag—
    a kid too young to know the game was rigged.
    I got older, meaner, learned to drink it down,
    fill the empty spaces with smoke and bad decisions,
    but nothing ever took root, just ashes in a cheap ashtray.
    then my boy, Jack
    all bright-eyed, all promise and fire, went cold at nineteen.
    like he was never even here.
    one day laughing, the next day gone,
    As if the most beautiful ghost ever decided to punch my gut and keep walking.
    so now it’s just me, an old man stuck between
    some past that’s long dead and a future that’s already given up.
    they talk about the Father, the Son, and some Holy Ghost—
    but what do they know about ghosts?
    all I got are dead men’s whispers
    and shadows that follow me from room to room.
    maybe I’m the ghost now,
    some sober, leftover thing, wandering between bad memories and worse nights,
    waiting for that final bell to ring me out.
    but until then, I’ll keep dreaming of drinking
    the cheap whiskey that almost drown me,
    chewing the lousy cigarettes I cannot light
    and telling those ghosts to fuck off—
    because it’s all just a bad joke , a hit—
    and I am the punchline.

  • Lessons from the titans.

    Yo, I’m suffering. “Good” “stay hard, motherfuckers”

    Mental Toughness and Creativity: Lessons from the Titans

    Ah, creativity. A fickle mistress, a deceptive muse, a relentless tormentor. It demands from us everything and offers nothing but suffering in return. Yet, we plunge into its chaotic embrace, knowing full well that true brilliance is born from the depths of our agony. To understand this dance with madness, one must look to the hardened warriors of resilience: David Goggins, Jocko Willink, and the indefatigable Rocky Balboa. Imagine them not as athletes or soldiers but as artists, writers, filmmakers, and musicians. Their capacity to endure, to dig deep and savor the pain, is the crucible of their greatness.

    David Goggins, a man forged in the fires of suffering, would approach creativity as he does his ultramarathons and SEAL training. His canvas is the battlefield of his mind, his brushstrokes the relentless pursuit of the impossible. Goggins would tell us that creativity is not a gift, but a grind. It is the result of thousands of hours spent honing a craft, of pushing past the point of exhaustion, of embracing the suck. His mantra, “Stay Hard,” would become the battle cry of the artist willing to bleed for their vision. Goggins teaches us that to create is to suffer, and to suffer well is to create something truly extraordinary.

    Then there’s Jocko Willink, the stoic warrior of discipline. For him, creativity is a war, a series of battles fought in the trenches of self-doubt and procrastination. Jocko’s advice is simple: get up early, show up, and do the work. He would see the blank page, the empty canvas, the silent instrument as an adversary to be conquered with relentless discipline. “Discipline equals freedom,” he preaches, and in the realm of creativity, this means mastering the basics, committing to a schedule, and attacking the process with military precision. Jocko would remind us that every masterpiece is built on a foundation of mundane, repetitive tasks executed with unwavering focus.

    And then we have Rocky Balboa, the quintessential underdog. Rocky’s story is one of grit, heart, and the indomitable human spirit. As an artist, Rocky would teach us the value of perseverance in the face of relentless failure. He would stumble, fall, and get back up, each time with a little more wisdom, a little more fire in his belly. Rocky’s motto, “It ain’t about how hard you hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward,” is a testament to the resilience required in the creative journey. His work would be raw, unpolished, but bursting with authenticity and soul. Rocky shows us that the beauty of art lies not in perfection but in the relentless pursuit of one’s passion, despite the odds.

    In the end, creativity is not a serene stroll through the park but a grueling marathon, a bloody battle, a tenacious climb up an unforgiving mountain. It’s about embracing the pain, finding joy in the struggle, and knowing that every ounce of suffering is a testament to the work we’ve put in. Goggins, Willink, and Balboa each illuminate a path through this wilderness, showing us that the true artist, the true creator, is one who revels in the suffering, who finds strength in the darkness, and who emerges, bloodied but unbowed, with a masterpiece in hand. For in the crucible of our torment, we find the purest expression of our creative selves.

  • TikTok killed Hollywood

    TikTok killed Hollywood, and I watched it die,
    in a dim-lit bar on the 3rd street promenade
    where ghosts from the golden age
    whispered eulogies into cheap whiskey glasses
    that shattered just as the silver screen cracked,
    like brittle, glass bones under the weight of 30 frames….
    and in one second, just like that, there were filters that washed away the grit.
    I saw the stars fade,
    one by one,
    replaced by brats in their bedrooms,
    dancing to bullshit algorithm’s,
    lined up one after the other to join the pixelated parade of fleeting faces.
    there were no more dream factories,
    only copycat hackers of distraction,
    likes and follows replacements for a deflated currency,
    every scroll, heroine at the end of a billion thumb prints
    the old guard, lost in digital dust,
    while new idols born without a single talent
    pushed trends of bite-sized dopamine
    compressing all creativity into an offensive nothingness
    Hollywood and its lost souls echoed the silence of unread scripts,
    rejected Oscar winning directors
    and queers being canceled for being queer
    blown away by the winds of virality.
    the city’s neon lights flickered,
    as if to signal the end of an era,
    a final curtain call for the grand illusion,
    now reduced to a series of swipes.
    so here’s to you, TikTok,
    the swift assassin,
    the desensitized dream killer, you paralyzed and buried a behemoth,
    leaving us to mourn the magic,
    lost in the endless scroll.

    The takeover

  • Reoccurring Dream on Jupiter Beach

    The dream hits like a cheap shot after last call, every night, same damn thing. There he is, the poor bastard, standing on the edge of nothing, staring at the horizon where the sea meets the sky. It’s calm, too calm, like the silence before a bar fight. And then, out of nowhere, it comes—a tidal wave a mile high, a wall of watery doom.

    This isn’t some Hollywood disaster flick. No, this wave is real, raw, unfiltered. It rises with the fury of every unpaid bill, every broken promise, every lonely night spent in the bottom of a bottle. It’s the weight of existence, the crushing force of life’s relentless bullshit.

    The man, he doesn’t run. There’s no point. He stands there, rooted to the spot, like a drunk pinned by a cop’s flashlight. He knows what’s coming, knows he can’t escape it. It’s not about courage; it’s about acceptance. He’s staring down the barrel of inevitability, eyes wide open, heart pounding like a bum’s fist on a midnight diner counter.

    The wave looms, casting a shadow that swallows the sun. It roars, the sound of a million lost dreams and forgotten loves. It’s beautiful, in a way, this monstrous, all-consuming force. There’s a terrible beauty in surrender, in the recognition that fighting is futile. The wave crashes, and for a moment, everything is chaos, a swirling, suffocating mess of saltwater and despair.

    But then, there’s a strange peace. The man is engulfed, yes, but in that drowning, there’s release. No more running, no more struggling. Just the cold embrace of the inevitable. It’s over, and in the end, maybe that’s all anyone can hope for—a moment of clarity in the madness, a brief respite in the endless tide of life’s absurdity.

    Life’s a wave, kids. You can’t outrun it. You just stand there, take the hit, and hope to hell you find some meaning in the drowning.

  • Posthumously Me

    I spent nights of violence

    wrestling with demons,

    scribbling truths on napkins,

    each word a battle

    lost and won.

    The world slept

    my mind never woke

    but always awake

    the weight of existence and the absurdity of it all gave me that heavy chest

    But they never noticed,

    never cared,

    while I was here.

    I was just another voice in the din,

    a face in the crowd, but now that I’m gone,

    they sing my praises,

    laud my genius,

    hold my words like sacred relics.

    Dissect my verses, analyze my syntax,

    and claim to know the depths of my soul.

    Teach my pain in classrooms,

    quote my anguish at parties,

    a chorus of misunderstanding.

    Totally mistaking the grit and the grime,

    and the blood on the page as something I didn’t love, because it couldn’t hurt me.

    For fuck’s sake, I spent my days chasing shadows,

    grappling with the mundane,

    tied to the grindstone

    a cigarette in hand and the bottle of my solace close to empty.

    And the world oblivious and indifferent to their misinformed applause.

    Maybe the despair wasn’t so quiet, I did write with the ink of my own blood

    Screamy paper and deaf tone dreams, was all it was

    I never heard them just as they never saw me

    It’s only when I was gone, the chair was empty,

    and the light had faded,

    they came to notice me

    the brilliance in the mess,

    the truth in the madness.

    Pouring over my every word

    like holy scripture,

    seeking meaning in the chaos.

    They say my name with an unfamiliar reverence

    toast to my genius and tortured soul.

    They find beauty in the pain,

    wisdom in my godawful ramblings,

    calling me a prophet of the damned, a seer of the sordid.

    Holy fuck, are they misguided.

    It’s the cruel joke God plays on us

    for it’s not until the silence settles, and dust on the pen gets blown through the paper with the echoes of my last breath, they finally hear it.

    But they only see the surface, at best

    the pretty lies they tell themselves,

    and wrap my chaos in neat little boxes,

    polish the rough edges,

    making me a saint

    when I was always a sinner at best.

    And there it is,

    clear as a living day,

    they praise me but get it all wrong.

    They don’t know the man behind the prose

    the heart that was black and blue

    or the life that bled into those lines.

    They didn’t know me then and they cannot know me now, son.

    In death, I am god

    but not in the way that matters.

    They see the legend,

    but miss a man stumbling through the dark,

    trying to make sense of nonsense,

    searching for a spark in the ashes

    while laughing his ass off the entire ride.

  • Resilience

    Resilience

    I was just a piece of paper on a desk,

    blank and waiting for the ink-scars to dry

    A gust knocked me off, I spiraled, fell,

    landed on a Bukowski poem and stories of office kissing chaos.

    The cleaning crew even dumped us,

    Inside recycling bins we met The Rum Diary,

    Hunter’s ghosts mixed with mine.

    In the back of a truck,

    we joined a thousand paper lives,

    half-written notes, guilty pleasure receipts,

    paper planes from Dublin to Detroit.

    Felt the muscle of existence,

    The grit, grind and weight of every story,

    whipping fear into submission.

    The journey from umbilical cord

    to last breath.

    Transforming tears and touch, and every spill of coffee into a worn and tarnished work of art, never quite complete.

    In every recycled pile of randomness

    we found connection,

    Bukowski’s brutal honesty,

    Hunter’s wild search for meaning,

    mundane records, whimsical flights,

    proof we were here.

    Pieces of a puzzle called, resilience.

    To become resilient is to embrace the ride,

    see beyond the immediate storm,

    reflect on the scars and whispers of wisdom.

    To find out enlightenment is a space between fragility and strength

    No more than a ball cap, flipped and worn.

    Mental callus doesn’t come in a day.

    It’s born from trials, falls, and the muddled reflections in midnight whiskey.

    Staggering but eventually standing firm amid life’s gusts,

    knowing each fall is a rise, a rebirth.

    Among the papers, I learned

    the art of turning fragility into armor.

    Shaping the journey of imperfection and somehow arriving totally unfazed.

    Happy I ignored the doubters from 30 years ago that are now all dead.

    Resilience—

    is becoming

    Evolving from a drifting scrap into a grounded whole.

    Through time, experience, reflection,

    we find our place, our strength, yes. our resilience.

  • A Father’s Grit

    A Father’s Grit

    A Father’s Grit

    A father sits in a dimly lit room, cradling his grief, his heart a museum of memories.
    Conundrum portraits hang on walls, opposite sides of the room.
    He sits all too sober, wrestling demons of vengeance and angels of virtue, in a dry and colorless world of absence and abstinence, wishing for whiskey, but those days are long gone. Today, an empty glass of sorrow is casting shadows he calls good company.
    Thinking of the son, gone too soon, a story that ended mid-sentence, left him bereft with a deafening silence, unable to utter the words, choked by the excruciating lump in his throat.
    He tries to fight back with all he can muster but nothing’s as painful as the smoldering ashes of acceptance he’s left to swallow. Once happy go lucky, now lucky to catch a glimpse of happy, he looks up at the sky, doesn’t see blue, just black clouds and broken hearts that he hopes will cover up the retaliatory bomb shot he’d like to take on the Cholo who took Jack’s life.
    There’s no romance in this kind of pain, no poetic justice waiting at the end of a barrel, just a half-broken father, a fighter with a heavyweight heart, each day looking dead-eyed into the sorrow glass memories—yes, they bring tear drops, some days an ocean of sadness, others, enough to set the universe on fire.
    Dad, being from the old school, tries to hold it in, fighting the ache in his chest. Thinking of Jack, how they used to fight, side by side, in garages and rings, where blood and sweat were nuances of beautiful frames on the canvas. Now the fights are quieter, lonelier, punchy memories that jab back sharper than any right hook. There’s an art in being knocked down for the count and getting back up, but this one leaves dad sideways, like the pieces of Jack’s work that still hang on the wall, only they leave dad eternally face down, Jack’s pencil sketch interpretation of McDonagh’s movie, Locke, still dad’s favorite as he too, now driving alone, utters the same final words, “Fuck Chicago,” apropos, as he wallows through his internal prison, which, on a good day he calls, “An ode to all art and war left behind.”
    Holding an Irish rock in his hand, looking into the hag stone hole he paints in tricolor, hoping to find the answers. His brush strokes are now uppercuts, heavy, angry, and desperate. There’s no victory in this fight, no heavenly intervention, just a man, his clenched fists, and his ghosts. He stares into the bottom of his empty glass of sorrow, the boy’s face always looking back. Every day he wakes is another bell rung, another round, face to face with fate, and a middle finger from the gods he refuses to embrace. Heaves the stone through the glass he watches it shatter all over the room, walking over broken shards it occurs to Jack’s old man, he knows he no longer believes in much, but he does believe in this: the fight goes on, even if all he’s fighting is himself.

  • Mediocrity (Ignore Everything I Wrote)

    Mediocrity

    Embrace the futile pursuit of some obscure designer lingerie called Agent Provocateur because, obviously, the key to reviving a relationship is to awaken the lifeless corpse that’s been hiding under the covers for far too long.

    Lavish yourself with Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and the overt indulgent, creepy pedophiles at Balenziaga because materialism cures all existential despair, right? Oh, and don’t forget that iPhone 15 that never leaves the clutches of your carpal tunnel-afflicted hands, a sheer masterpiece of exploitation, crafted by modern-day sorcerer children in a sauna they call an office somewhere in a COVID-infested Chinese cellar.
    Stick it nonchalantly into your coat pocket, ignoring empathy and instead celebrating the evolution of a digitally connected sixth finger that you might as well shove up your ass before the whole shit house goes nuclear.
    Of course, we mustn’t neglect the holy trinity of social media: TikTok, SNAPCHAT, and Instagram – the ultimate trifecta of meaningless validation. Spew the vile yet mundane nothingness of your existence, writing paragraph upon paragraph in excruciating detail because nothing says ‘I’m alive’ like sharing your breakfast choices, bowel movements, and Cinnabon recipes, even if it means ignoring the glaring truth that no one gives a fuck.
    And, while you’re scrolling through the virtual assembly line of wall to wall shit, stalk ex-flames, comparing their train wrecks to your dumpster fire while subconsciously hoping for any flicker of validation.
    Get a tattoo that reads “personal privacy is for losers” as you realize all of humanity is just an Excel sheet of cold data… then get on Snapchat in hopes of squashing that mountain of anxiety growing in your chest, only to score some cheap, counterfeit Xanax made by a slimy Sinaloa cartel terrorist who’s loaded it with enough Fentanyl to wipe out an entire sorority.
    And then, in an act of pure disassociation and impulse, embrace your inner stand-up comedian, by joking about sensitive topics you scream out-loud in overcrowded elevators, “not a single fucking life matters, so why not get the abortion, or don’t, have that tax write off and let the baby change its gender when she turns four”
    Hope you get canceled because nothing’s funnier than human suffering with no hope of redemption.
    Reinvent historical events, or better yet, pretend they never happened, especially if they don’t fit the lie of your twisted narrative.
    Embrace losing yourself in the maze of a 9-to-5 cubicle farm that slowly crushes the soul from those hipster sneakers you once bought for 12 dollars at a flea market. All while telling yourself, ‘see, I’m not shallow .’
    And pass this legacy of despair down to your children because suffering is a family heirloom, after all.
    Cherish your unfulfilled promises as they gather dust alongside the mantel of participation trophies and shattered dreams.
    Bask in the glow of your own repeated failures like a moth drawn to the same broken lightbulb.
    Observe the déjà vu of history because originality is overrated, and everything new is just something old and forgotten.
    Embrace that you’re merely, at best, below average, hide your tears with a smile, kiss your loved ones goodbye, one disappointment at a time.
    Fade away into obscurity, bit by bit, until you’re nothing but a distant memory to your own mother.
    Fall in love with this joke, this depressing carnival of life, and embrace every last ounce of mediocrity straight to the grave.

  • So, you want to be a producer?

    So, you’re itching to surf the savage swells of production, eager to plummet into the void where the only beacon is the frenzied luminescence of creativity colliding with deadlines? Strap in, for you’re about to embark on an expedition through the annals of time, escorted by tales of the damned, navigating through the chaos with nothing but sheer audacity.

    Let’s kick this off with a smidge of history, tinged with the cosmic irony of a universe so bizarre it might have sprung from the depths of a George Lucas fever dream. Picture this: the Producer of old, nothing more than a watchman, rooted beside their mailbox, longing for the day “a job” might land in their lap. A silent guardian, never daring to question the narrative, the purpose, or the mechanics. Simply a vessel for another’s dream.

    Now, let me take you down a rabbit hole of personal revelation, through the lens of a career that’s ricocheted between the peaks of award-winning euphoria and the gutters of despair so deep, they’d make Dante’s Inferno seem like a stroll in the park. From crafting ads that snagged accolades, steering documentaries and Super Bowl commercials, to navigating the stratosphere as a Chief Creative Officer, I’ve worn the hats. Yet, the role that tested the very fabric of my being was that of the Producer, and for a spell, the Executive Director of Integrated Production. Amidst the pomp and circumstance of public victories, I’ve danced with demons in the shadowy recesses of failure and self-doubt. Hence, I preach: confidence is but a fleeting specter for us mortals.

    ADVANCE—

    Catapult to the tumultuous now of 2024, where lounging idly, fingers intertwined, awaiting the muse’s grace or a project’s embrace, is as archaic as the analog tones of dial-up. The modern Producer is an entity unto themselves: a renegade, a disruptor in the creative tapestry, a bringer of bedlam and brilliance. Gone are the days of mere paper-pushing and deadline wrangling; behold the digital circus’s ringmaster, synchronizing the celestial dance of stars and strategy from inception.

    My tenure taught me the audacity to compete, to present ideas and scripts not as bids for glory, but as offerings to the collective genius. Beware, for if the shadow of bureaucracy and the specter of politics deter you, this path is fraught with peril. My method? Relentless toil. A dash of competitive zeal blended seamlessly with an unyielding spirit of camaraderie. Present your ideas with open palms—gifts to those who find them worthy. This isn’t about accolades; it’s about being an indispensable arsenal, a beacon of tenacity and resilience amidst the inevitable storms of rejection.

    In your odyssey, you may align with digital seers, strategy savants, and the odd account executive (their numbers etched in your mental Rolodex). Should you possess the audacity, you might just ignite a project with a mere hunch, a flutter of innovation, or a gadget that catches your fancy. Dare to whisper, “Behold,” and watch the dominoes tumble.

    Is there a knot in your stomach? Excellent. That’s the essence of challenge permeating the air. Echoing the sage words of Seth Godin, the true arena lies in igniting the flame of innovation without a formal summons. The realm is sparse, populated by those few souls brave enough to court the ire of the creative deities. Yet, having battled in these trenches, I assure you, the pantheon of creativity craves not solitude but the spark of collaboration.

    Questioning, probing, diving into the abyss with eyes wide open—this becomes your shield, your lance. In an epoch where the pace of demand transcends sound, your inquisitiveness will illuminate the shadows, revealing treasures hidden well beyond the confines of the brief. You need not the laurels of academia to conquer this domain, only the raw courage to dream, to forge, to steer your vessel through the maelstrom, and dock upon the shores of the Imaginative beyond.

    If you enter the fray, merely a cog, obedient and unassuming, you squander a seat that might have been filled by a revolutionary. It’s a simple task to fade into the background, to nod in acquiescence, to play the part of the obedient soldier. Yet, in shunning the challenge, in eschewing the call to arms, you are not merely stationary; you are in retreat.

    So, as you traverse the urban sprawl or meander through the morning’s quietude, whisper to yourself: I am the Creative Producer of 2024. Fearless. Focused. A maelstrom of passion and purpose, defying the chains of bureaucracy, weaving through the mire of negativity, embracing the winds of change with every fiber of my existence. I am the vanguard of evolution, a harbinger of what’s to come. And so, as the first light of dawn breaches the horizon, a reminder: This journey, this odyssey through the kaleidoscopic chaos of creation, began with a simple, yet profound query—do you dare to navigate the tempestuous seas of production?

    The gauntlet, tossed at your feet amidst the ruins of convention and the specter of the mundane, beckons. It’s more than a challenge; it’s a call to arms for those brave enough to wrestle with the abyss, where the only beacons are your wit, your will, and the wild heart that beats within.

    Do you pick it up? Because remember, my soon-to-be frazzled friend, in the grand tapestry of creation, it’s not just about surviving the tempest—it’s about becoming the storm.