THANK YOU, DON LEMON

A Memo from the Static

(to whom it may concern — and it should concern you)

Thank you, Don Lemon —

for proving charisma is a rental car with the check engine light on.

Thank you, Joy Behar —

for reminding us that hysteria in high heels is still just hysteria.

Thank you, Brian Stelter —

for being the human form of a shrug wrapped in beige.

Thank you, Rachel Maddow —

for delivering panic with the pacing of a bedtime story for insomniacs.

Thank you, Tucker Carlson —

for staring into the camera like it owed you child support.

Thank you, Anderson Cooper —

for being the ghost of journalism, sipping gin in a silver spoon.

Thank you, Bill Maher —

for aging like a bottle of vinegar and thinking it’s wine.

Thank you, every suit who ever told us what to think —

while your hands stayed clean and your checks kept clearing.

Thank you, algorithms —

for serving us rage with a smile and selling our boredom by the pound.

Thank you, influencers —

for dying your hair, your souls, and your timelines until nothing meant anything.

Thank you, virtue signalers —

for raising flags you’d never carry into a real fight.

And finally, thank you, silence —

for being the only honest sound left in this whole goddamn circus.

Signed,

The Static

(still here, still humming, waiting for the last face to fade)